Thoughts on my relationship with video games
You will not wonder about why there is this huge gap between this blog and the last one, because you barely know me, but here is my confession and apology and momento mori to my dreams, ambitions and plans and stuff. I have been spending too much time on playing video games.
Since I was 6 years old, I played computer video games, simple and plain, like so many other kids at the same age probably (definitely) did. But like all other things in life, we turned out to be different in the end. To avoid immature deduction based on my case alone, I have researched and paid attention to a plethora of people from various walks of life and discovered that, among the gamers, we all experience the same kind of transformation, going through the same change from an Unknowing Gamer to Knowing Gamer. An unknowing gamer is who, when in their childhood, spent much time gaming without realizing what “gaming” actually meant. A knowing gamer, is the opposite. They know why they play games, how they should play games and most importantly of all, that gaming is but one activity human could and have enjoyed since games existed. Now, video games are obviously different from playing something like rock, paper, scissors, but the general idea is the same. Unknowing gamers, including me, played video games to escape from reality, and for that reason alone. The release of dopamine produced through playing video games is one well-studied subject in both human biology and psychology, so I will not try to be an expert here, but I think for many kids that precious little dose of dopamine — albeit released through video games, an unhealthy way usually — serves to keep their childhood happy, and I mean really, who would deny them the pleasure?
As many would falter into deeper addiction, many others would eventually “grow out of it”. In Asia, where I was born, this is especially the mainstream point of view held by most parents for our generation at least (90s’ kids). The transformation for me was also not gradual. I would fall back to escaping from reality through video games from time to time and the aftermath took me even more energy to recover from. A Knowing gamer, though I am now, I still cannot break the spell sometimes.
Now, I know why I would like to play games — to escape from stress. Sure, it sounds like nothing’s changed, and I have come full circle… but really, to enjoy that release of pleasure whether knowingly or not is just that different. The desire to unwind and have fun stays the same, but within this context, this act of indulging myself is different from doing it as a kid, who had much time and no real responsibilities.
I think games were more fun when I was an unknowing gamer, because I simply craved for that dopamine and pleasure and excitement. Now, maybe the transformation has ruined it… but to know what pleasure is and why we seek it and how we should manage to seek it is just more important. And in the long run, I think being a knowing gamer is much better.
P.S. I don’t mean that video games are bad and I am not going to play them (lol). Actually, I have been playing this monstrosity of a game called Cruelty Squad and the review is coming out in the next couple of days.
